Prevent the Doldrums from Poisoning Your Loved-Up Bliss
by - chetram nagar
One of the biggest problems that guys everywhere
face is that, once you've gone and CREATED that
attraction ...
... WHAT ARE YOU MEANT TO DO NEXT?
How are you supposed to keep that spark alive?
How do you prevent a great relationship from
turning sour? And is it true that sex
wanes in intensity over time?
(I'm just going to get last that question out
of the way right now, because it's a completely
poisonous MYTH: NO, it absolutely DOES NOT wane
over time. Not if you've chosen a great woman, you
haven't settled for someone less than, and you're
both committed to being honest with each other on
a consistent basis. If the intensity DOES wane,
that's not 'normal': it's a sign that you're
either settling for less, or that something in the
relationship is not right.)
So it's quite clear that there's a lot of
confusion about what's 'meant to happen over time'
in a relationship. And to a great extent, we've
all been acculturated to believe that things will
naturally become 'less than' over time.
The perfect example, of course, is the myth
that 'sex becomes less intense and less frequent
in a LTR'. Believe me: if you're with someone who
is EXCELLENT, and who you have not just
desperately 'settled for' because they happened to
represent the best option at the time ... then the
sex NEVER gets 'less than'. You can take my word for
it.
Believe it or not, this widespread practice of
buying into the B.S. applies JUST as much, if not
MORE, to the 'well-read' among us ... the guys who
make a point of checking out the current wisdom of
today's 'cottage industry' that's sprung up around
the common goal of meeting a GREAT woman.
This is because there's a lot of information
available on CREATING attraction, but very little
quality advice indeed on the fine science of
relationship management (a.k.a. 'what do I do with
her once we're an item?')
How do you move a casual dating relationship
along into a 'real' relationship?
And once you're exclusive, how do you prevent
the relationship from morphing over time into a
mirror image of every other mediocre relationship
you've had before ... including (but not limited to)
the arguing, the nagging, the petty resentment,
and general sense of SOURNESS?
Yes, it's true. Being the best man possible is about
having the SKILLS to not only create attraction,
but also MAINTAIN and INTENSIFY it over time ... so
that you can end up with the kind of
knock-your-socks-off 'blue ribbon' woman that you
deserve.
So here, without further harping on the intro,
is the meat-and-potatoes of how to apply the
Dating Principles learned on this course to
RELATIONSHIPS.
DATING PRINCIPLE #1 APPLIED: Men and women are
different.
There are going to be times in your
relationship when misunderstandings take root. We
are all imperfect human beings, so disagreements
and miscommunications are NATURAL.
(Please note: it is NOT 'natural' to deal with
these miscommunications in a way that makes
RESENTMENT 'natural' or 'inevitable'. Take this at
face value: it's normal to DISAGREE. It is NOT
normal to FIGHT about it.)
Here's what I suggest: that when a
disagreement, miscommunication, or other
potentially difficult situation arises, instead of
leaping to conclusions, being spurred on by fear,
or being influenced by doubt ... that you make a
CONSCIOUS decision to believe the best of your
partner.
Give her the benefit of the doubt and, if torn
between believing one thing or the other, make a
deliberate decision to believe the 'better'
option.
Why?
Well, first of all, because doubt and
resentment will poison any relationship if you let
them. That's obvious.
Secondly: you're the one that chose to be with this
woman. And if you've truly been living the
lifestyle of the BEST man possible, then you will have
CHOSEN this woman for her own greatness.
So how about stepping up to the plate and
demonstrating some faith in your own ability to
choose well? Did you pick a great partner, or not?
I choose to believe that you DID. And if you know
what's good for you, YOU'LL believe it too.
And thirdly ... because that's how all great
relationships work, stoopid.
DATING PRINCIPLE #2 APPLIED: Women are
attracted to men because they're MEN.
First of all: forget everything you've ever
been brainwashed into believing about how
'relationships are equal' and 'in a good
relationship, EVERYBODY wears the pants'. That is
cataclysmic rubbish and will effectively poison
your relationship.
Yes, relationships are EQUAL, but that doesn't
mean that you both contribute the SAME THINGS to
it.
You need to be strong when she is weak. When she is
strong, then YOU can be weak.
It's about EQUALITY ... but not 'going 50/50' simultaneously.
Get the difference?
If she's upset about something, the
last thing you want to do is get freaked out,
start shaking, and tell her that tears upset you
and that you 'can't deal with it' when she gets
upset like this.
When SHE is WEAK, YOU MUST BE STRONG.
Prove you strength by taking her
in your arms, murmuring in a calm, calm voice that
it's going to be OK, and COMFORT HER.
Try not to be the one who needs to be
'carried'. You've gotta man up, and any time that
her emotions are pitching and yawing is one of the
most powerful areas that you can demonstrate
masculinity and control.
(By the way ... being 'strong' and being a
'control freak' are not one and the same.)
When a woman feels like she can trust her man,
she feels free to express her natural radiance.
She laughs more, teases more, is more affectionate
and playful ... and tends not to hold back in the
bedroom.
By the way ... this is why, if you're always
doing things like changing your mind, cancelling
plans, or keeping her guessing about where she
stands, she's going to tighten up and become
insecure, controlling, and jealous.
Why?
Because you're demonstrating to her that you
are WEAK and CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
This isn't just about the 'big stuff'; every little
action you make contributes towards that impression
she has of you as being either someone she's 'safe with'
... ... or someone she's UNSAFE with ... i.e.
someone who can't be trusted.
Some guys think that the best way to keep a
woman happy in a relationship is to let her get
her own way all the time and just capitulate on
issues that are important, simply to 'keep her
happy'. In the long run (and the short run too,
come to think of it) this is destructive to the
fiber of the relationship, because you're showing
her that you're 'weak' ALL THE TIME.
Having some backbone will NEVER be a bad thing..
Make authenticity your watchword. Compromise if
it's a compromise you BELIEVE IN; but if you feel
strongly about something, stick to your truth and
man up. Do it.
DATING PRINCIPLE #3 APPLIED: Non-attachment is
what works.
The great thing about 'non-attachment' is that
it literally PREVENTS you from EVER becoming
needy. And as we all know, neediness is tantamount
to premature death for her attraction to you.
If you've ever been in a relationship where
things start off great ... but over time, you feel
as though she's losing interest ... things are
getting kind of stale ... she's not smiling as much
as she used to ... and that you're losing your
'power' in the relationship, then you've very
likely experienced NEEDINESS first-hand.
There really is no quicker way to kill a spark.
And - like most everything to do with
attraction and relationships - it all boils down
to CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM. If you're truly
self-confident, and you truly have solid
self-esteem, you're going to implicitly trust that
'you' are ENOUGH to be attractive to her ...
... without the need to 'amp it up' by getting
all up in her grill and being NEEDY and DESPERATE.
Needy guys are the ones who, deep down, don't
trust that they themselves are actually 'enough'
to attract her and sustain that attraction.
They're expecting, on some level, that sooner or
later she's going to lose interest, so they try as
hard as they can to keep her attracted to them.
Only thing is, their MOTIVATION (which is FEAR)
shines right on through, and this is something
that she picks up on ... and it drives her AWAY.
Why?
Because it's just one more way of proving to
her that you aren't a MAN. You're not in control,
of yourself OR the situation. You're EXPECTING
failure.
Again, you're being WEAK - without balancing that
weakness out with a timely display of INNER STRENGTH.
All this is about as repellent to her as a can
of bug-spray right between the eyes ... and
inevitably ends up with your self-fulfilling
prophecy coming TRUE, and her high-tailing it off
to where the grass is greener.
Something that I've found extremely helpful as
a NATURAL counteractive to feelings of neediness
and desperation and FEAR is to stop worrying about
the FUTURE.
Instead of thinking about what 'might happen',
take a step back, take a deep breath, and remind
yourself that NOW is literally the only moment you
will ever have. If you're living intensely in the
now , and you're not poisoning yourself with
fears of what 'might happen', or regrets about
what you've 'already done', but are just being
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW in your own life and your
own relationships ...
... it becomes literally IMPOSSIBLE to be
motivated by fear.
If you want to know more about this stuff, you
should check out 'What About Me?' by the '1 Giant Leap'
boys. You can probably get it on Amazon.
Another suggestion: stop focusing so much on
HER. The weird thing about being needy is that, as
a direct by-product of feeling 'out of control',
you actually become MORE of a control-freak ...
meaning, you TRY to control things (like her
feelings for you), but you're so freaked out and
fearful that you're not able to do it EFFECTIVELY
and just wind up driving her further away.
Try this one on for size: she's another human
being, dude. Her brain is her own. So how's about losing
the Little Dictator act and just focusing on what you CAN
control ...
... which is YOU. Take a look at yourself and
YOUR life before you start trying to 'get her' to
do or feel anything. Are you being the kind of guy
that a good woman would be interested in
sticking around for? Are you being fun? Are you
being present? Are you being a leader and
demonstrating control, calmness, and strength? Are
you living a kick-ass life that's full of things
and people that you are passionate about?
I suggest that, instead of focusing on HER and
what she's up to, that you instead take all that
energy and focus it on YOURSELF ... and experience
the dramatic turnaround in your self-esteem, your
feelings of fulfillment, and her opinion of you that
will come as a NATURAL RESULT of this healthier,
more attractive lens through which you see your life.
SO YOU'VE FINISHED THE COURSE ... NOW WHAT?
You've come to the end of your 6-day course.
Hopefully you've gotten some great insights into
attraction, dating, and women.
By the way ... getting this side of your life
sorted may be more important than you even think
it is. The skills that you learn in order to 'be
good with women' actually have something of a
holistic effect - meaning, they affect EVERY AREA
of your life in turn, from your business to your
friendships to your family to your ability to stay
happy and healthy.
It's like a domino effect ... the more you
develop your skills in ONE area, the more of an
overflow into other areas you'll experience.
Try using THAT for motivation next time you're
dithering over whether to stay in with the couch
and the TV, or go out and meet some people.
And one more thing, incidentally: if you like
what you read here, do me a favor and spread the
word. If you've got any friends who could do with
a kick in the proverbial pants when it comes to
women, dating, self-image, and general
'manning-up', then make sure you point him in the
right direction.
(And let's not forget the women ... Mirabelle's
got a 6-day course for women, too, which is taking
off big time. So if you've got any gal pals
who you've been ITCHING to take aside and
straighten a few issues out, but haven't wanted to
seem presumptuous or 'big brotherly', here's your
big chance - Mirabelle will do it for you.)
I'll be writing you again soon, so keep an
eye out.
Be cool,
One of the biggest problems that guys everywhere
face is that, once you've gone and CREATED that
attraction ...
... WHAT ARE YOU MEANT TO DO NEXT?
How are you supposed to keep that spark alive?
How do you prevent a great relationship from
turning sour? And is it true that sex
wanes in intensity over time?
(I'm just going to get last that question out
of the way right now, because it's a completely
poisonous MYTH: NO, it absolutely DOES NOT wane
over time. Not if you've chosen a great woman, you
haven't settled for someone less than, and you're
both committed to being honest with each other on
a consistent basis. If the intensity DOES wane,
that's not 'normal': it's a sign that you're
either settling for less, or that something in the
relationship is not right.)
So it's quite clear that there's a lot of
confusion about what's 'meant to happen over time'
in a relationship. And to a great extent, we've
all been acculturated to believe that things will
naturally become 'less than' over time.
The perfect example, of course, is the myth
that 'sex becomes less intense and less frequent
in a LTR'. Believe me: if you're with someone who
is EXCELLENT, and who you have not just
desperately 'settled for' because they happened to
represent the best option at the time ... then the
sex NEVER gets 'less than'. You can take my word for
it.
Believe it or not, this widespread practice of
buying into the B.S. applies JUST as much, if not
MORE, to the 'well-read' among us ... the guys who
make a point of checking out the current wisdom of
today's 'cottage industry' that's sprung up around
the common goal of meeting a GREAT woman.
This is because there's a lot of information
available on CREATING attraction, but very little
quality advice indeed on the fine science of
relationship management (a.k.a. 'what do I do with
her once we're an item?')
How do you move a casual dating relationship
along into a 'real' relationship?
And once you're exclusive, how do you prevent
the relationship from morphing over time into a
mirror image of every other mediocre relationship
you've had before ... including (but not limited to)
the arguing, the nagging, the petty resentment,
and general sense of SOURNESS?
Yes, it's true. Being the best man possible is about
having the SKILLS to not only create attraction,
but also MAINTAIN and INTENSIFY it over time ... so
that you can end up with the kind of
knock-your-socks-off 'blue ribbon' woman that you
deserve.
So here, without further harping on the intro,
is the meat-and-potatoes of how to apply the
Dating Principles learned on this course to
RELATIONSHIPS.
DATING PRINCIPLE #1 APPLIED: Men and women are
different.
There are going to be times in your
relationship when misunderstandings take root. We
are all imperfect human beings, so disagreements
and miscommunications are NATURAL.
(Please note: it is NOT 'natural' to deal with
these miscommunications in a way that makes
RESENTMENT 'natural' or 'inevitable'. Take this at
face value: it's normal to DISAGREE. It is NOT
normal to FIGHT about it.)
Here's what I suggest: that when a
disagreement, miscommunication, or other
potentially difficult situation arises, instead of
leaping to conclusions, being spurred on by fear,
or being influenced by doubt ... that you make a
CONSCIOUS decision to believe the best of your
partner.
Give her the benefit of the doubt and, if torn
between believing one thing or the other, make a
deliberate decision to believe the 'better'
option.
Why?
Well, first of all, because doubt and
resentment will poison any relationship if you let
them. That's obvious.
Secondly: you're the one that chose to be with this
woman. And if you've truly been living the
lifestyle of the BEST man possible, then you will have
CHOSEN this woman for her own greatness.
So how about stepping up to the plate and
demonstrating some faith in your own ability to
choose well? Did you pick a great partner, or not?
I choose to believe that you DID. And if you know
what's good for you, YOU'LL believe it too.
And thirdly ... because that's how all great
relationships work, stoopid.
DATING PRINCIPLE #2 APPLIED: Women are
attracted to men because they're MEN.
First of all: forget everything you've ever
been brainwashed into believing about how
'relationships are equal' and 'in a good
relationship, EVERYBODY wears the pants'. That is
cataclysmic rubbish and will effectively poison
your relationship.
Yes, relationships are EQUAL, but that doesn't
mean that you both contribute the SAME THINGS to
it.
You need to be strong when she is weak. When she is
strong, then YOU can be weak.
It's about EQUALITY ... but not 'going 50/50' simultaneously.
Get the difference?
If she's upset about something, the
last thing you want to do is get freaked out,
start shaking, and tell her that tears upset you
and that you 'can't deal with it' when she gets
upset like this.
When SHE is WEAK, YOU MUST BE STRONG.
Prove you strength by taking her
in your arms, murmuring in a calm, calm voice that
it's going to be OK, and COMFORT HER.
Try not to be the one who needs to be
'carried'. You've gotta man up, and any time that
her emotions are pitching and yawing is one of the
most powerful areas that you can demonstrate
masculinity and control.
(By the way ... being 'strong' and being a
'control freak' are not one and the same.)
When a woman feels like she can trust her man,
she feels free to express her natural radiance.
She laughs more, teases more, is more affectionate
and playful ... and tends not to hold back in the
bedroom.
By the way ... this is why, if you're always
doing things like changing your mind, cancelling
plans, or keeping her guessing about where she
stands, she's going to tighten up and become
insecure, controlling, and jealous.
Why?
Because you're demonstrating to her that you
are WEAK and CAN'T BE TRUSTED.
This isn't just about the 'big stuff'; every little
action you make contributes towards that impression
she has of you as being either someone she's 'safe with'
... ... or someone she's UNSAFE with ... i.e.
someone who can't be trusted.
Some guys think that the best way to keep a
woman happy in a relationship is to let her get
her own way all the time and just capitulate on
issues that are important, simply to 'keep her
happy'. In the long run (and the short run too,
come to think of it) this is destructive to the
fiber of the relationship, because you're showing
her that you're 'weak' ALL THE TIME.
Having some backbone will NEVER be a bad thing..
Make authenticity your watchword. Compromise if
it's a compromise you BELIEVE IN; but if you feel
strongly about something, stick to your truth and
man up. Do it.
DATING PRINCIPLE #3 APPLIED: Non-attachment is
what works.
The great thing about 'non-attachment' is that
it literally PREVENTS you from EVER becoming
needy. And as we all know, neediness is tantamount
to premature death for her attraction to you.
If you've ever been in a relationship where
things start off great ... but over time, you feel
as though she's losing interest ... things are
getting kind of stale ... she's not smiling as much
as she used to ... and that you're losing your
'power' in the relationship, then you've very
likely experienced NEEDINESS first-hand.
There really is no quicker way to kill a spark.
And - like most everything to do with
attraction and relationships - it all boils down
to CONFIDENCE and SELF-ESTEEM. If you're truly
self-confident, and you truly have solid
self-esteem, you're going to implicitly trust that
'you' are ENOUGH to be attractive to her ...
... without the need to 'amp it up' by getting
all up in her grill and being NEEDY and DESPERATE.
Needy guys are the ones who, deep down, don't
trust that they themselves are actually 'enough'
to attract her and sustain that attraction.
They're expecting, on some level, that sooner or
later she's going to lose interest, so they try as
hard as they can to keep her attracted to them.
Only thing is, their MOTIVATION (which is FEAR)
shines right on through, and this is something
that she picks up on ... and it drives her AWAY.
Why?
Because it's just one more way of proving to
her that you aren't a MAN. You're not in control,
of yourself OR the situation. You're EXPECTING
failure.
Again, you're being WEAK - without balancing that
weakness out with a timely display of INNER STRENGTH.
All this is about as repellent to her as a can
of bug-spray right between the eyes ... and
inevitably ends up with your self-fulfilling
prophecy coming TRUE, and her high-tailing it off
to where the grass is greener.
Something that I've found extremely helpful as
a NATURAL counteractive to feelings of neediness
and desperation and FEAR is to stop worrying about
the FUTURE.
Instead of thinking about what 'might happen',
take a step back, take a deep breath, and remind
yourself that NOW is literally the only moment you
will ever have. If you're living intensely in the
now , and you're not poisoning yourself with
fears of what 'might happen', or regrets about
what you've 'already done', but are just being
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW in your own life and your
own relationships ...
... it becomes literally IMPOSSIBLE to be
motivated by fear.
If you want to know more about this stuff, you
should check out 'What About Me?' by the '1 Giant Leap'
boys. You can probably get it on Amazon.
Another suggestion: stop focusing so much on
HER. The weird thing about being needy is that, as
a direct by-product of feeling 'out of control',
you actually become MORE of a control-freak ...
meaning, you TRY to control things (like her
feelings for you), but you're so freaked out and
fearful that you're not able to do it EFFECTIVELY
and just wind up driving her further away.
Try this one on for size: she's another human
being, dude. Her brain is her own. So how's about losing
the Little Dictator act and just focusing on what you CAN
control ...
... which is YOU. Take a look at yourself and
YOUR life before you start trying to 'get her' to
do or feel anything. Are you being the kind of guy
that a good woman would be interested in
sticking around for? Are you being fun? Are you
being present? Are you being a leader and
demonstrating control, calmness, and strength? Are
you living a kick-ass life that's full of things
and people that you are passionate about?
I suggest that, instead of focusing on HER and
what she's up to, that you instead take all that
energy and focus it on YOURSELF ... and experience
the dramatic turnaround in your self-esteem, your
feelings of fulfillment, and her opinion of you that
will come as a NATURAL RESULT of this healthier,
more attractive lens through which you see your life.
SO YOU'VE FINISHED THE COURSE ... NOW WHAT?
You've come to the end of your 6-day course.
Hopefully you've gotten some great insights into
attraction, dating, and women.
By the way ... getting this side of your life
sorted may be more important than you even think
it is. The skills that you learn in order to 'be
good with women' actually have something of a
holistic effect - meaning, they affect EVERY AREA
of your life in turn, from your business to your
friendships to your family to your ability to stay
happy and healthy.
It's like a domino effect ... the more you
develop your skills in ONE area, the more of an
overflow into other areas you'll experience.
Try using THAT for motivation next time you're
dithering over whether to stay in with the couch
and the TV, or go out and meet some people.
And one more thing, incidentally: if you like
what you read here, do me a favor and spread the
word. If you've got any friends who could do with
a kick in the proverbial pants when it comes to
women, dating, self-image, and general
'manning-up', then make sure you point him in the
right direction.
(And let's not forget the women ... Mirabelle's
got a 6-day course for women, too, which is taking
off big time. So if you've got any gal pals
who you've been ITCHING to take aside and
straighten a few issues out, but haven't wanted to
seem presumptuous or 'big brotherly', here's your
big chance - Mirabelle will do it for you.)
I'll be writing you again soon, so keep an
eye out.
Be cool,
Comments