Be Rejection-Proof by Mastering Your Attitude
Today: how to ditch your overt attachment to a
particular outcome, and lose the sense of
desperation and neediness that's keeping you
trapped in Rejection Hell.
Also: how to update your attitude and approach to
dating and attraction so that you BECOME the strong,
masculine man who NATURALLY attracts women and
keeps their interest ... all without a HINT of
groveling, supplication, or ass-kissing.
The way I see it, the biggest thing that's
keeping most guys back from experiencing real,
ongoing success with women is FEAR.
It's the fear of REJECTION.
And no matter how much you 'know', on a
conscious level, that you're a great guy who women
'should' be attracted to, that rational, LOGICAL
part of your mind doesn't even make a DENT in your
emotional, gut-level response to situations
involving 'instinctive responses' like FEAR.
All the rationality in the world doesn't affect
that deep-down part of your brain ... the part where
EMOTIONS hold sway.
Emotionally, you don't want to have to
experience rejection: the fear of 'not being good
enough' ...
... the fear that you'll end up at a loss for
words, or that you won't know what to say, or that
you won't be able to make her laugh, or that you
won't be able to make her WANT YOU.
But don't worry. This is COMPLETELY NORMAL.
Most of the dating advice out there centers to
a large degree around 'talking yourself out of
it', and going out there and focusing on things
like talking to lots of women, being sociable, and
improving your social skills in order to combat a
fear of rejection.
And this is all important stuff that I'm very
much 100% behind. It's true, success with women
DOES rely massively on a strong set of social
skills ... and it's true that the only way to
IMPROVE those skills is to get off the couch, get
out there, and talk to people.
BUT, that advice alone isn't giving you the full
story. There's something MISSING.
There are lots of men who know what they
'should' be doing ... but somehow that's still not
enough to actually cross the divide between
'knowing' and 'doing'.
And what's getting in the way?
FEAR.
Emotions. Instincts. All the gut-level
reactions that need more than LOGIC to counteract.
If you don't have a solid 'game strategy' about
rejection and how to 'deal' with it, you're always
going to be balanced on the knife-edge between
self-confidence and rock-bottom complete lack of
self-esteem. You're NEVER going to be in control
of how you feel about yourself ... and you're ALWAYS
going to be handing over your power to EXTERNAL
situations that you have no control over.
Can anyone say ... EMASCULATED?
Don't get me wrong here, guys. This is a BIG
DEAL. For most men, all it takes is one little
'failure' with a woman to scramble up all the good
work and progress they've made so far.
And if you've experienced 'rejection' on a
REGULAR BASIS, without a lot of 'successes' to
counteract it, you'll be feeling SERIOUSLY
scrambled up.
It's taken me a long time to figure this out
for myself ... but 'logic' simply doesn't cut the
mustard when rip-roaring emotions and instincts
are concerned. If you want to get a handle on
rejection and transform it from a barrier to your
success to NOTHINGNESS, then you've got to 'fight
fire with fire' and rely on gut-level KNOWLEDGE to
counteract gut-level EMOTION.
This is where ATTITUDE comes in.
There's nothing 'logical' about attitude. It's
not all about 'rationality' and 'words'. It's
about who you choose to BE.
Consider this for a fact: most men think their
attitude is something that 'just happens' and that
they have very little control over.
Subsequently, they set themselves up to LOSE when
it comes to dating and women.
If you've ever felt that the cards have been
stacked against you, or that you're somehow
lacking the 'advantages' that other guys have, or
that on some level you're 'not enough' to be
successful with women, I KNOW you know what I'm
talking about here.
And this is why so many men end up literally
entraining themselves for failure.
Here's what usually happens.
Many guys are COMPLETELY at the mercy of
circumstance when it comes to women - and this is
a situation that they create for themselves.
Why?
Because they believe that, if a great woman is
attracted to them ... a woman who's 'above' what
they'd 'normally' be able to get ... they take it
that this is somehow a 'fluke', or that they've
'lucked in', or that she's 'one of a kind' ...
... and they'd better make the most of this
amazing opportunity and 'seal the deal' before she
gets a clearer idea of what kind of guy she's
dealing with here (i.e. someone out of her
league.)
This is what's known as a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Here's the sequence of events:
- The guy can hardly believe his luck. He
figures he must have 'lucked in' to this one. He
starts trying to 'wall her in' before she can make
a quick getaway.
- This behavior inevitably strikes her as
strange and unattractive. She begins to pick up on
the stifled needy/desperate vibes coming her way
and figures that this isn't congruent with her
original impression of a dude with confidence,
masculinity, and OPTIONS... that, in fact, he's
acting like a desperate, fear-driven guy who's
trying to 'tie her down' before she 'escapes'.
- She is driven away by the neediness and
desperation inherent in his behavior, which
triggers a 'call and response' situation wherein
her increasing distance and aloofness causes even
MORE neediness and desperation ... thus hammering
the last nail into the COFFIN OF REJECTION.
- She walks. He is left with a belief that his
instincts were right all along: he's not capable
of sustaining attraction with a woman of that
caliber - which of course REINFORCES that type of
self-fulfilling-belief-based behavior the next
time he unexpectedly attracts a hottie.
In other words: this guy's ATTITUDE is the
thing that let him down.
He saw himself in a certain way ... and that
belief was so strong that it eventually permeated
the way SHE saw him, too.
Imagine what could have happened if he'd acted
on beliefs that SUPPORTED his strength and
attraction instead of sabotaging them.
This is a home truth that not a lot of guys are
aware of. They think that, if you can 'fake it til
you make it', or just ACT in a certain way to 'get
the girl', then she'll be 'fooled' and everyone
will go home happy.
But that's nothing but a pipe dream. Sure, a
certain 'type' of woman might be fooled by a few
routines, openers, and one-liners ... but a really
EXCELLENT woman will be able to sniff out
incongruence, and sooner or later, she'll be
REPELLED by it.
There's just no getting around it. You attract
what you believe. And this is something you can't
'fake'.
So here's a suggested attitude for you to try
on for size, instead.
If your attitude was one of 'it's not such a
big deal', and you believed that, since you've got
what it takes to attract ONE woman, you've got
what it takes to attract MORE ...
... then you wouldn't do what most guys end up
doing, which is that she will INEVITABLY 'find
out' about the 'real you' and be turned off.
(Which of course, is usually EXACTLY what ends up
happening.)
The attitude is what CREATES the REALITY.
Suggestion: instead of focusing on FEAR,
consider the notion of ABUNDANCE.
In a very real way, there are A LOT of women
out there. And some of these women are going to
find you attractive. Count on it.
So how about this ... instead of thinking that
you've 'fluked it' when you feel a spark with an
excellent woman, how about looking at it in a way
that actually supports your lifestyle as a top-notch
'blue-ribbon candidate' MAN.
If you can attract a great woman, it's not a 'fluke'.
It's PROOF that YOU HAVE IMPROVED to the level where
such women are GENUINELY ATTRACTED to you.
No 'luck' and no 'coincidence' involved.
A natural byproduct of this belief is GENUINE
RELAXATION and an ability to just 'chill' and know
that, whatever happens, it's really NOT such a big
deal.
If she walks, well, these things happen. It doesn't
have to be 'proof' of your 'failure'. It's just WHAT
HAPPENS SOMETIMES ... and there's NO controlling it.
Trying to control these sorts of social situations
is tantamount to playing 'God'. Do you REALLY want
to develop that sort of complex at this point in your
life?
Didn't think so. So instead of PANICKING and trying to
CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS, just ... LET GO. Stop worrying. Stop
BITCHING. And let the chips fall where they may.
And by the way - if you can attract ONE, you can
attract MORE. THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES.
This is the attitude that will consistently get
you women.
You simply have to DETACH from any kind of
obsessive, fear-based need to 'make something
happen'. That need will literally PREVENT you from
attaining what it is that you want.
Instead, why not take some of the pressure off
yourself - and get more success at the same time?
If you know there are going to be other
chances, and that you've got other OPTIONS (even
if you don't know what they are just yet), you're not
going to feel compelled to stress and strain with
THIS particular situation.
This lack of pressure then frees you up to just
CHILL OUT, relax, and let things take their own
natural course ...
... which, of course, leaves YOU feeling way more
relaxed, and able to act APPROPRIATELY to the
situation.
So does this mean, then, that a few butterflies
aren't normal?
Nope. Nervousness is normal. This isn't about
'not caring' or being apathetic ... it's just that
the pressure of 'get it right, or be humiliated'
is now REMOVED.
The stakes aren't so high, so YOU can take more
of a back seat, feel more chilled, and just relax
into the present moment ... which of course is going
to help you come across as more confident and more
INHERENTLY MASCULINE and ATTRACTIVE to a quality
woman ... with ZERO neediness or desperation.
You will actually BE an attractive man. The opposite
of desperation is ATTRACTION.
But what if you really ARE 'desperate'? What if you'd
do ANYTHING to 'have a woman' and you just can't see any
'options' ANYWHERE?
Simple. Act as though have women crawling out of the
woodwork. FORCE YOURSELF to relax. And that attitude,
that embodiment of confidence and relaxation, is literally
going to be what CREATES those options for you.
But you've got to take that leap of faith first
before you'll see any results.
And look. I know this is a lot to take in all
at once. Truth be told, for most men, it involves
a FUNDAMENTAL SHIFT in the way that they look at
the whole concept of dating and attraction.
And, it requires a certain amount of 'faith'
that, in a phrase, the Universe has got your back
and that you are an inherently awesome guy who
women will find attractive.
So don't stress too much about internalizing
all this at once. Just keep this concept of
'abundance' in the back of your mind, and every
time you feel yourself starting to experience that
desperate feeling, or worrying that 'there's not
going to be another one', FORCE yourself to calm
down.
Take a deep breath, and expel it slowly and
forcefully through pursed lips. (In horse-training
circles, this is known as 'letting out the
butterflies'.)
Then, mentally take out the concept of
'abundance mentality' from the back of your mind.
Look at it. Know that this concept has been around
for longer than you can imagine. Know that your
beliefs shape your reality.
Know that the SECOND that you attract the
attention of a woman, that can be taken as
incontrovertible proof that you are now capable of
attracting that 'level' of quality on a
fundamental level ... proof that you've got what it
takes to get more of the same.
And as time goes on, your skills will improve ...
and so will the caliber of the women you attract,
until you're getting 'blue-ribbon' quality - the
kind of women that YOU, personally, find the most
attractive of ALL.
Remember: this is about 'manning up'. Women dig
MEN. And a man, by definition, is someone who
'feels the fear and does it anyway' ... and
preferably, without SHOWING her that he's afraid.
No mewling, puling, or cringing permitted.
Keep an eye out for tomorrow's lesson, because
I'm going to delve at length into how to actually
APPLY these principles into two of the 'Big Ones':
how do you ATTRACT a member of the opposite sex ...
and what do you DO with that attraction once
you've got it?
by - chetram nagar
particular outcome, and lose the sense of
desperation and neediness that's keeping you
trapped in Rejection Hell.
Also: how to update your attitude and approach to
dating and attraction so that you BECOME the strong,
masculine man who NATURALLY attracts women and
keeps their interest ... all without a HINT of
groveling, supplication, or ass-kissing.
The way I see it, the biggest thing that's
keeping most guys back from experiencing real,
ongoing success with women is FEAR.
It's the fear of REJECTION.
And no matter how much you 'know', on a
conscious level, that you're a great guy who women
'should' be attracted to, that rational, LOGICAL
part of your mind doesn't even make a DENT in your
emotional, gut-level response to situations
involving 'instinctive responses' like FEAR.
All the rationality in the world doesn't affect
that deep-down part of your brain ... the part where
EMOTIONS hold sway.
Emotionally, you don't want to have to
experience rejection: the fear of 'not being good
enough' ...
... the fear that you'll end up at a loss for
words, or that you won't know what to say, or that
you won't be able to make her laugh, or that you
won't be able to make her WANT YOU.
But don't worry. This is COMPLETELY NORMAL.
Most of the dating advice out there centers to
a large degree around 'talking yourself out of
it', and going out there and focusing on things
like talking to lots of women, being sociable, and
improving your social skills in order to combat a
fear of rejection.
And this is all important stuff that I'm very
much 100% behind. It's true, success with women
DOES rely massively on a strong set of social
skills ... and it's true that the only way to
IMPROVE those skills is to get off the couch, get
out there, and talk to people.
BUT, that advice alone isn't giving you the full
story. There's something MISSING.
There are lots of men who know what they
'should' be doing ... but somehow that's still not
enough to actually cross the divide between
'knowing' and 'doing'.
And what's getting in the way?
FEAR.
Emotions. Instincts. All the gut-level
reactions that need more than LOGIC to counteract.
If you don't have a solid 'game strategy' about
rejection and how to 'deal' with it, you're always
going to be balanced on the knife-edge between
self-confidence and rock-bottom complete lack of
self-esteem. You're NEVER going to be in control
of how you feel about yourself ... and you're ALWAYS
going to be handing over your power to EXTERNAL
situations that you have no control over.
Can anyone say ... EMASCULATED?
Don't get me wrong here, guys. This is a BIG
DEAL. For most men, all it takes is one little
'failure' with a woman to scramble up all the good
work and progress they've made so far.
And if you've experienced 'rejection' on a
REGULAR BASIS, without a lot of 'successes' to
counteract it, you'll be feeling SERIOUSLY
scrambled up.
It's taken me a long time to figure this out
for myself ... but 'logic' simply doesn't cut the
mustard when rip-roaring emotions and instincts
are concerned. If you want to get a handle on
rejection and transform it from a barrier to your
success to NOTHINGNESS, then you've got to 'fight
fire with fire' and rely on gut-level KNOWLEDGE to
counteract gut-level EMOTION.
This is where ATTITUDE comes in.
There's nothing 'logical' about attitude. It's
not all about 'rationality' and 'words'. It's
about who you choose to BE.
Consider this for a fact: most men think their
attitude is something that 'just happens' and that
they have very little control over.
Subsequently, they set themselves up to LOSE when
it comes to dating and women.
If you've ever felt that the cards have been
stacked against you, or that you're somehow
lacking the 'advantages' that other guys have, or
that on some level you're 'not enough' to be
successful with women, I KNOW you know what I'm
talking about here.
And this is why so many men end up literally
entraining themselves for failure.
Here's what usually happens.
Many guys are COMPLETELY at the mercy of
circumstance when it comes to women - and this is
a situation that they create for themselves.
Why?
Because they believe that, if a great woman is
attracted to them ... a woman who's 'above' what
they'd 'normally' be able to get ... they take it
that this is somehow a 'fluke', or that they've
'lucked in', or that she's 'one of a kind' ...
... and they'd better make the most of this
amazing opportunity and 'seal the deal' before she
gets a clearer idea of what kind of guy she's
dealing with here (i.e. someone out of her
league.)
This is what's known as a self-fulfilling
prophecy.
Here's the sequence of events:
- The guy can hardly believe his luck. He
figures he must have 'lucked in' to this one. He
starts trying to 'wall her in' before she can make
a quick getaway.
- This behavior inevitably strikes her as
strange and unattractive. She begins to pick up on
the stifled needy/desperate vibes coming her way
and figures that this isn't congruent with her
original impression of a dude with confidence,
masculinity, and OPTIONS... that, in fact, he's
acting like a desperate, fear-driven guy who's
trying to 'tie her down' before she 'escapes'.
- She is driven away by the neediness and
desperation inherent in his behavior, which
triggers a 'call and response' situation wherein
her increasing distance and aloofness causes even
MORE neediness and desperation ... thus hammering
the last nail into the COFFIN OF REJECTION.
- She walks. He is left with a belief that his
instincts were right all along: he's not capable
of sustaining attraction with a woman of that
caliber - which of course REINFORCES that type of
self-fulfilling-belief-based behavior the next
time he unexpectedly attracts a hottie.
In other words: this guy's ATTITUDE is the
thing that let him down.
He saw himself in a certain way ... and that
belief was so strong that it eventually permeated
the way SHE saw him, too.
Imagine what could have happened if he'd acted
on beliefs that SUPPORTED his strength and
attraction instead of sabotaging them.
This is a home truth that not a lot of guys are
aware of. They think that, if you can 'fake it til
you make it', or just ACT in a certain way to 'get
the girl', then she'll be 'fooled' and everyone
will go home happy.
But that's nothing but a pipe dream. Sure, a
certain 'type' of woman might be fooled by a few
routines, openers, and one-liners ... but a really
EXCELLENT woman will be able to sniff out
incongruence, and sooner or later, she'll be
REPELLED by it.
There's just no getting around it. You attract
what you believe. And this is something you can't
'fake'.
So here's a suggested attitude for you to try
on for size, instead.
If your attitude was one of 'it's not such a
big deal', and you believed that, since you've got
what it takes to attract ONE woman, you've got
what it takes to attract MORE ...
... then you wouldn't do what most guys end up
doing, which is that she will INEVITABLY 'find
out' about the 'real you' and be turned off.
(Which of course, is usually EXACTLY what ends up
happening.)
The attitude is what CREATES the REALITY.
Suggestion: instead of focusing on FEAR,
consider the notion of ABUNDANCE.
In a very real way, there are A LOT of women
out there. And some of these women are going to
find you attractive. Count on it.
So how about this ... instead of thinking that
you've 'fluked it' when you feel a spark with an
excellent woman, how about looking at it in a way
that actually supports your lifestyle as a top-notch
'blue-ribbon candidate' MAN.
If you can attract a great woman, it's not a 'fluke'.
It's PROOF that YOU HAVE IMPROVED to the level where
such women are GENUINELY ATTRACTED to you.
No 'luck' and no 'coincidence' involved.
A natural byproduct of this belief is GENUINE
RELAXATION and an ability to just 'chill' and know
that, whatever happens, it's really NOT such a big
deal.
If she walks, well, these things happen. It doesn't
have to be 'proof' of your 'failure'. It's just WHAT
HAPPENS SOMETIMES ... and there's NO controlling it.
Trying to control these sorts of social situations
is tantamount to playing 'God'. Do you REALLY want
to develop that sort of complex at this point in your
life?
Didn't think so. So instead of PANICKING and trying to
CONTROL WHAT HAPPENS, just ... LET GO. Stop worrying. Stop
BITCHING. And let the chips fall where they may.
And by the way - if you can attract ONE, you can
attract MORE. THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES.
This is the attitude that will consistently get
you women.
You simply have to DETACH from any kind of
obsessive, fear-based need to 'make something
happen'. That need will literally PREVENT you from
attaining what it is that you want.
Instead, why not take some of the pressure off
yourself - and get more success at the same time?
If you know there are going to be other
chances, and that you've got other OPTIONS (even
if you don't know what they are just yet), you're not
going to feel compelled to stress and strain with
THIS particular situation.
This lack of pressure then frees you up to just
CHILL OUT, relax, and let things take their own
natural course ...
... which, of course, leaves YOU feeling way more
relaxed, and able to act APPROPRIATELY to the
situation.
So does this mean, then, that a few butterflies
aren't normal?
Nope. Nervousness is normal. This isn't about
'not caring' or being apathetic ... it's just that
the pressure of 'get it right, or be humiliated'
is now REMOVED.
The stakes aren't so high, so YOU can take more
of a back seat, feel more chilled, and just relax
into the present moment ... which of course is going
to help you come across as more confident and more
INHERENTLY MASCULINE and ATTRACTIVE to a quality
woman ... with ZERO neediness or desperation.
You will actually BE an attractive man. The opposite
of desperation is ATTRACTION.
But what if you really ARE 'desperate'? What if you'd
do ANYTHING to 'have a woman' and you just can't see any
'options' ANYWHERE?
Simple. Act as though have women crawling out of the
woodwork. FORCE YOURSELF to relax. And that attitude,
that embodiment of confidence and relaxation, is literally
going to be what CREATES those options for you.
But you've got to take that leap of faith first
before you'll see any results.
And look. I know this is a lot to take in all
at once. Truth be told, for most men, it involves
a FUNDAMENTAL SHIFT in the way that they look at
the whole concept of dating and attraction.
And, it requires a certain amount of 'faith'
that, in a phrase, the Universe has got your back
and that you are an inherently awesome guy who
women will find attractive.
So don't stress too much about internalizing
all this at once. Just keep this concept of
'abundance' in the back of your mind, and every
time you feel yourself starting to experience that
desperate feeling, or worrying that 'there's not
going to be another one', FORCE yourself to calm
down.
Take a deep breath, and expel it slowly and
forcefully through pursed lips. (In horse-training
circles, this is known as 'letting out the
butterflies'.)
Then, mentally take out the concept of
'abundance mentality' from the back of your mind.
Look at it. Know that this concept has been around
for longer than you can imagine. Know that your
beliefs shape your reality.
Know that the SECOND that you attract the
attention of a woman, that can be taken as
incontrovertible proof that you are now capable of
attracting that 'level' of quality on a
fundamental level ... proof that you've got what it
takes to get more of the same.
And as time goes on, your skills will improve ...
and so will the caliber of the women you attract,
until you're getting 'blue-ribbon' quality - the
kind of women that YOU, personally, find the most
attractive of ALL.
Remember: this is about 'manning up'. Women dig
MEN. And a man, by definition, is someone who
'feels the fear and does it anyway' ... and
preferably, without SHOWING her that he's afraid.
No mewling, puling, or cringing permitted.
Keep an eye out for tomorrow's lesson, because
I'm going to delve at length into how to actually
APPLY these principles into two of the 'Big Ones':
how do you ATTRACT a member of the opposite sex ...
and what do you DO with that attraction once
you've got it?
by - chetram nagar
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